No Matter What . . . Bea Positive!

REJECTION: to be deliberately excluded, to throw out as useless

Active rejection comes in the form of bullying or teasing. Passive rejection comes in the form of “silent treatment”.

The first question that comes to my mind is WHY? Aren’t we humans supposed to be social and interact with one another? Are these supposed to be “teaching moments”?

So it starts with kids; kids can be so cruel teasing and bullying others. How about some of these taunts?

  • “Half-breed” because you’re mixed racial ethnicity
  • “Midget” because you’re the shortest in the class
  • “Fatso” because you’re heavy, overweight
  • “Teacher’s Pet” because you make straight A’s
  • “Captain Klutz” because you can’t hit a ball, kick a ball, throw a ball, etc.

As time passes, rejection continues into adulthood. Now, however, rejection becomes more sophisticated, and passive. Is it because adults don’t want to reject someone outright? No, it’s much more subtle with the passive approach. How about a few like:

  • Your phone number has been deleted from your nephew’s phone; of course, “by accident”
  • Not being included in meetings and/or conference calls that others discuss openly in front of you
  • You call or e-mail someone and never get a response but hear about them through others
  • Your co-workers plan lunch and don’t invite you.  Better yet, they order “lunch in” and “forget” to get your order.
  • Put you on a project for which you have no experience or support – set up to fail and told you’re unreliable
  • You stand up for a co-worker who has been ostracized by the team – only to find out you are also outcast

It doesn’t matter if the rejection happened 3 hours ago or 3 years ago. The stinging emotional pain and psychological distress probably brings back bad memories and maybe a few tears. When you’ve experienced rejection multiple times, you start to question yourself . . .

  • maybe I’ll never grow up
  • maybe I’ll always be selfish
  • maybe I didn’t get the right birthday present, Christmas present, anniversary present, present “just because”
  • maybe I should conform so that “they” will like me and include me in their lunches
  • maybe I should be politically correct so that I can get promoted
  • maybe I shouldn’t be honest when asked “what do you think?”
  • or the ultimate, maybe I’m just a loser

Whether perceived or actual rejection, I think about the ultimate rejection. Heralded a week prior, betrayed by someone who spent 3 ½ years with Him, beaten, spit upon, lied about, scourged, mocked, crucified . . . So I have to remind myself that I have endured and will continue to endure, no matter the circumstances. . . not by my will but by God’s will and will probably never know WHY.

So no matter what, Bea Positive!

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“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names . . .”???

All of you have probably heard and recited the rhyme “sticks and stones may break by bones, but names will never hurt me”.  It sounds good and you think by saying it, it’s true.  There have been several instances in national news lately.  Here in FL, a young lady committed suicide because of the constant name-calling and bullying from classmates.  Most recently, we hear about an NFL football player who left the team because of the hurtful, shameful insults and verbal abuse.

I’ve been called many names growing up and in my adult life, and they have all hurt.  The emotional trauma and breaking of your spirit can’t be explained only experienced.  Thankfully, my experiences never drove me to suicide but the depths of depression were real and seemed permanent.  The good news that I want to share is that you can endure and will overcome.

I have a beautiful Japanese mother and dad who is a southern gentleman from Alabama.  As you might imagine, growing up was a bit of a challenge in school.  When I reflect now, I realize that the name-calling and being singled out enabled me to grow thicker skin with each experience.

I went to school in the 70’s.  Some of the names I remember include “half-breed”, “Chink”, “Jap”, “Nip”.  I don’t remember the year, but when “Tora, Tora, Tora” came out, the name-calling was relentless.  Yeah, the kids were mean and cruel, and I certainly didn’t understand why they picked on me.  I just remember the taunts in the hallway and notes being passed to me in class.

So now, here we are in 2013.  Some kids are still mean and cruel.  Unfortunately, they don’t just name-call to your face but “share” on facebook, twitter, text messages, etc.  My frustration and anger is that there is no intervention until tragedy happens.  The “mess in Miami”, as it’s now called, is an example where name-calling, insults, etc. came from an adult.  The young man who is the “bully target” checked into a hospital because of emotional trauma and left the football team.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”.  No matter how many times you say it out-loud or to yourself, trust me, NAMES HURT down to the soul.

I don’t know how to stop mean people.  I share my story because I choose to “Bea Positive” and keep a good attitude no matter the circumstance.

So my question to all of you . . .

  • What do you do when you suspect or see someone being bullied?
  • Do you stop it or do you tolerate it?

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