Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all

The song by Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton “Say Something” is one of my favorites because it “speaks” to me. I don’t really care to read about other’s opinions as to why JT wrote the song. I look at music, art, writing, as an expression by someone to positively impact another’s life. So, in my case, it has impact but for probably very different reasons as to why he wrote it.

We all go through difficult times in life. Mine came when John Boxx died. I lost him 3 weeks shy of our 20th wedding anniversary. But the 2 years leading up to his death were the most traumatic and life-changing. What he endured was horrific, but it was also equally horrific to me nd his family and friends. You have to experience grief to understand that not everyone grieves the same. However, I only wanted to be comforted with presence of another human being. Someone experiencing a devastating loss can’t think straight and can’t tell otherrswhat they need because they need everything!

JT’s song, “Say Something” brings me back to a very dark and lonely time. I experienced a period in my life where I only wanted companionship and the touch of a hand. I couldn’t say something because I didn’t know where to begin. However, it’s human nature to want to find the right words to say, text or message to comfort the griever. But if that doesn’t work, it’s more comfortable to sever ties. (my experience, not everyone’s). The griever only wants to know that he or she hasn’t been forgotten or become a burden, and the one who is no longer here is not forgotten either.

I had a wonderful lunch with a friend who was not only my chiropractor, but she and her husband were spiritual supporters – to remind us that faith gets us through unbelievable pain, suffering and brokenness. I reconnected with Tammy Albano, and she and I had lunch last Friday – Good Friday. She represents what I interpret from JT’s song. She was present, used the two ears that God blessed us with but didn’t use her mouth. She was there with me for approximately 90 minutes and listened. That’s all I’ve wanted for the past 3 years.

So, thank you Tammy and Dr. Tony and their extremely talented son, Nicholas. I know John tried to provide insights on what to expect with a teenage boy but . . .. He also was a master at listening, something that I try to practice but know I’m not a master like him. One of my favorite “1 liners” from him was that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. That’s why he was so successful and loved (by most, except the sales people who called on him!).  He was always present with two ears and only provided input if asked. What a talent!

So yes, at that time it was my first loss,  I was “maybe looking for something I can’t have” — comfort and companionship not words. But I’ve learned that “sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all.” Bea present . . . just listen . . . and just say nothing at all (Justin Timberlakd YouTube.com video Say Something). Thank you, Tammy.

Advertisements

%d bloggers like this: