Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all

The song by Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton “Say Something” is one of my favorites because it “speaks” to me. I don’t really care to read about other’s opinions as to why JT wrote the song. I look at music, art, writing, as an expression by someone to positively impact another’s life. So, in my case, it has impact but for probably very different reasons as to why he wrote it.

We all go through difficult times in life. Mine came when John Boxx died. I lost him 3 weeks shy of our 20th wedding anniversary. But the 2 years leading up to his death were the most traumatic and life-changing. What he endured was horrific, but it was also equally horrific to me nd his family and friends. You have to experience grief to understand that not everyone grieves the same. However, I only wanted to be comforted with presence of another human being. Someone experiencing a devastating loss can’t think straight and can’t tell otherrswhat they need because they need everything!

JT’s song, “Say Something” brings me back to a very dark and lonely time. I experienced a period in my life where I only wanted companionship and the touch of a hand. I couldn’t say something because I didn’t know where to begin. However, it’s human nature to want to find the right words to say, text or message to comfort the griever. But if that doesn’t work, it’s more comfortable to sever ties. (my experience, not everyone’s). The griever only wants to know that he or she hasn’t been forgotten or become a burden, and the one who is no longer here is not forgotten either.

I had a wonderful lunch with a friend who was not only my chiropractor, but she and her husband were spiritual supporters – to remind us that faith gets us through unbelievable pain, suffering and brokenness. I reconnected with Tammy Albano, and she and I had lunch last Friday – Good Friday. She represents what I interpret from JT’s song. She was present, used the two ears that God blessed us with but didn’t use her mouth. She was there with me for approximately 90 minutes and listened. That’s all I’ve wanted for the past 3 years.

So, thank you Tammy and Dr. Tony and their extremely talented son, Nicholas. I know John tried to provide insights on what to expect with a teenage boy but . . .. He also was a master at listening, something that I try to practice but know I’m not a master like him. One of my favorite “1 liners” from him was that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. That’s why he was so successful and loved (by most, except the sales people who called on him!).  He was always present with two ears and only provided input if asked. What a talent!

So yes, at that time it was my first loss,  I was “maybe looking for something I can’t have” — comfort and companionship not words. But I’ve learned that “sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all.” Bea present . . . just listen . . . and just say nothing at all (Justin Timberlakd YouTube.com video Say Something). Thank you, Tammy.

The Dance

Two years ago I met a man who became my life. It was his tattoo “Ani Tsalagi” that gave us the opportunity to talk. It was 3 weeks into the log stacking, and Roger kept me mesmerized. He was tall, dark, handsome and could do everything on the log cabin from the ground up.
I researched Ani Tsalagi that evening. The next day as I was reviewing the construction plans, Roger walked over. I asked him if he was Cherokee. He told me he was half Cherokee and half French Canadian and then raised his eyebrows as if trying to get interested. Then he continued with “I’m 54 years old and on the cusp of Leo and Cancer.”
Well, my sarcastic self kicked into gear, and I asked “so are you Leo or Cancer most years?” He said he was Leo most years. I couldn’t resist, then I asked, “so what are you this year?” to which he replied, “I’m a Leo.” So I said, “well, I’m Aries and I’m Aries every year.”
So, ladies, is this the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard? And, the dance had begun . . .

While I don’t believe the moon and the stars rule our lives, it is interesting to read about the personality traits of the Zodiac signs. God is in control, but there is something about the Zodiac signs that make you go hmmmmm…..
I Googled Aries and Leo compatibility (only because Roger is predominantly a Leo and has some Cancer traits). We’ve read through these Google searches for humor but they are also eye-opening. Here is a summary of what we deal with and to be honest, it’s pretty spot-on!

Both Aries and Leo are Fire Signs – strong-willed, passionate, dynamic with a strong love of sportsmanship and competition. Both have a need to be in control. They have a strong admiration and respect for each other but they need to take turns in giving and taking orders. Both are proud and impatient. Leo likes to be adored (and doesn’t Roger fall into that category) and Aries gets easily bored and doesn’t want to provide admiration and compliments (ok, that describes me to a tee).

Aries is rules by the Planet Mars and Leo the Sun. The Sun is about the self while Mars is about aggressive energy. They are highly compatible and make a dynamite team. Aries may say things that are hurtful while Leo can be bossy and sulk. Oh, my . . . what a great way to describe the last 2 years.
The best part of the Aries/Leo relationship is the mutual admiration for each other. Aries is the initiator while Leo follows through. What a great way to describe building the log cabin and remodeling the house, Their mutual energy and passion makes for a dynamic relationship. (www.astrology.com)

I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my story. It’s just that sometimes it’s amusing to read about your personality traits between people who came together under formidable circumstances. Which is why I believe in Divine Intervention . . . God is in Control . . . or we would have never connected.

So after two years, the dance continues . . . turn up the music!

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