Circle of Friends

Back in February, I met a lady in the hospital. She and I shared a common fear – our husbands were in ICU not knowing what the next hour would bring let alone the next day. We were the only two who spent uncountable hours in the ICU waiting room. We were both afraid to leave but too tired to stay.

One day we spoke to each other. We shared our situations. We shared tears, and we shared prayer. We shared our greatest fears with each other – life without our husbands. We prayed fervent prayers to God for divine healing.

Fast forward six months . . . something told me to reach out to Lourdes three weeks ago. It was a strong feeling in my spirit. Lourdes lost Roger in February; he never left ICU. I was devastated for her, and I cried for her. I prayed for her not really knowing what she needed, not really knowing what she was feeling, not really knowing her loneliness.

Until now . . . now I know how she feels. Now I understand the depths of her pain, hurt, loneliness, heartbreak, gut-wrenching sick-to-your-stomach feeling . . . the indescribable hole you feel in your heart. Lourdes was the first person to reach out and ask to sit with me, cry with me, pray with me, experience the same pain with me, asking for nothing in return.

With experiences such as this, you find out who genuinely cares and doesn’t just say the words and phrases that are “a propos”. You find out who stands with you when you can’t find the words to describe how you feel, you can’t itemize what you need, you can’t stop the tears long enough to say hello, you can’t remember who is in the same room with you, you can’t remember if you’ve eaten today.

You find out who is willing to just sit with you while you cry, while you grieve.

You find out who will text you just to let you know they are thinking about you.

You find out who is willing to hold your hand, put an arm around your shoulder and sit in the same room and say nothing.

You find out who is willing to hear what they don’t want to hear.

You find out who is willing to understand that you can’t flip a switch and feel better.

You find out who is willing to provide their company and time vs. suggesting you need professional help.

You find out who is willing to be uncomfortable to provide just a little bit of comfort.

You find out who is willing to be there for the long haul, because it’s a long journey.

You find out that your circle of friends becomes very, very small.

I’m thankful for my very small circle of friends.

Advertisements

Love Letter from Heaven

To the love of my life,

I want you to know that it is beautiful here, and Jesus is even more magnificent that we ever imagined. The King of Kings welcomed me with open arms. He and I are holding you even though you cannot feel it physically. Let Him take your sorrow and pain; cast your cares on Him.

Always remember like I told you last week, I am blessed, we are blessed . . . We are blessed. Repeat those words over and over when you feel like you do right now. While you can’t hear me speak to you, you have my words all around you. Read them so you know how much I truly love you. Yes, I say love, in the present tense, because I will always love you. Don’t ever doubt that.

You’re like the lovely little lovebird that was in the cabin in Nancy’s Secret Garden on the day we married. She, too, lost her mate, and Nancy told us that she quit singing. I know you’re not singing any more . . .but you can write. We said we would write our story together. You have my written words in poetry. Now you need to fill in with your words as only you can write.

Share our Bea-utiful love story. Tell everyone how every day, hour, minute, second is precious and will never come around again. Bea my Bea . . . Bea Beautiful . . . Bea Positive.

I love you,

Your JB

A Book of Love Poems from John to Bea – Chapter 1

This was the 1st poem my beautiful, loving husband and soul-mate wrote for me 19 years ago.  He and I shared a special love that only comes once in a lifetime.  I was so fortunate to have him my life and blessed that we made so many wonderful memories together.  I hope can feel the love he had for me and can see that he is the inspiration for Bea Positive.

 

True Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Old Man with the Umbrella

It was a rainy, cold January morning. My husband had a check-up with our primary care physician. We go with each other to keep each other company while waiting. Most of the time, we don’t even speak to each other, but we’re together. He usually reads a magazine, and I observe and listen to others waiting with us.

Our doctor’s specialty is rhematology so he cares for older patients – older than us, that is. This morning, it wasn’t very busy. An older gentleman came in a few minutes after we had been sitting. He was the only one who bothered to bring an umbrella with him. He signed in and then sat in a chair next to the water cooler. He placed the umbrella between his legs with both hands placed on top of the handle and watched the TV.

After a couple of minutes, the young office assistant behind the window called his name, Mr. Osborne. I could tell he was hard of hearing, and sitting next to the water cooler didn’t help him hear the young lady calling his name. She called him a couple of times, raising her voice each time. When he finally realized she was calling him, she asked him, “Mr. Osborne, I don’t have you down for an appointment today.” He shuffled over to the window.

She told him again that she didn’t show an appointment for him. He pulled his smartphone out of his pocket. The calendar on his smartphone showed an appointment for that day. He was a bit agitated, so she told him she would check with another assistant. He returned to his chair and propped his hands on the umbrella.

She came out to the waiting room several minutes later to speak to Mr. Osborne. She informed him again that he didn’t have an appointment that morning. She said that he had called the week before and changed the appointment for the first week in March. He looked at her and said, “now, why would I call you and do such a thing? I need to see the doctor today.” She told him she would see what she could do and returned to her desk.

Mr. Osborne continued to sit with his hands on the handle of the umbrella. He put his head back against the wall and appeared to fall asleep. Several minutes passed, and she called to him. Again, she called his name several times, and he finally woke up and heard her. She told him they would make sure he saw the doctor.

About that time, my husband came out and we walked towards the door. Mr. Osborne looked like he had started napping again. I’m not sure how long he had to wait, but when we left, he was still sitting with the umbrella propped up, hands on the handle, head propped up against the wall.

For some reason, Mr. Osborne made an enduring impression on me. As we drove home, I wondered out loud if he drove himself to the doctor’s office himself and hoped he would get home safely. It also said that a confused mind must be scary – since he didn’t remember calling and changing his own appointment. At a red light stoplight, I turned and looked at my husband. I told him that I am so thankful that neither one of us have to sit alone in a waiting room.

I hope you enjoy this Bea-utiful Christian song called “God Made You For Me” which I dedicate to my soul-mate and loving husband who always tells me “Bea Positive” through all of the ups and downs.

“I just want to grow old with you”

My husband wrote this beautiful poem not long after we were married 18 years ago.  For anyone who has found their soul-mate, I hope you enjoy and share the same sentiment.

 

“I just want to grow old with you

Walking through the sands of time.

Our footprints left side by side

With your hand held tightly in mine.

I want to watch you grow more beautiful

In the ways only you can do.

And be with you every minute I can.

I just want to grow old with you.

I want to make lots of memories

That bring a smile as they cross your mind.

I want to weave a spell over your heart

That will last ‘til the end of time.

I want to cherish each passing day

And share each moment with you.

And I want to love you forever and ever,

I just want to grow old with you.”

~ John Boxx

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE

Wedding_rings

We had planned a private wedding ceremony in Key West, FL on September 9.  On Thursday morning, August 22, 1996, we set out to get our marriage license.  We drove to the county clerk’s office in Hillsborough County in Tampa, FL.

It was a very small trailer, and there were 3 other people there besides the lady Deputy Clerk.  While we filled out the paperwork, the clerk went to help the other 3.  She came back, asked for the necessary identification, reviewed the license application.  Then, totally unexpected, she smiled and asked “do you want to get married now?”.  We looked at each other dumbfounded, and then all of a sudden we both said “yes”.

She went to the back of the office, grabbed some silk flowers for me to hold.  She read the marriage vows to us.  When she pronounced us “man and wife”, applause and cheers erupted from the three strangers.

I am definitely NOT a spur-of-the-moment kind of person.  And we certainly weren’t dressed for a wedding moment!  Both of us had red pullover shirts and jeans . . . not the “fancy pants” I’m usually wearing.  We had no rings to exchange.  Our simple, modest real wedding day August 22, 1996 was in a little trailer performed by a Deputy Clerk.

Our life has been anything but simple and mundane and not without a lot of bumps and bruises.  Many tears have been shed – some happy, some heart-wrenching – but we’ve managed to survive all of life’s lemons.  Mostly, we laugh, we’re inseparable, and we always remember to “Bea Positive”.  So “from that day forward, lawfully wedded husband and wife, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.”. 

So to my partner, my BFF, my soul mate, I say thanks for “Bea-ing” with me all these years and for “Bea-ing” the inspiration behind “Bea Positive”.

Image

Next Newer Entries

%d bloggers like this: